Happy.

This was going to start out as a Facebook post, but it got way too long for that, so I’m dropping it here.

I haven’t blogged as much in the last several months and here’s why, I am happy! I can’t believe I am sincerely typing this, but after struggling to find my place for years I feel like I am finally there. Since I have shared all of my personal feelings, emotions and struggles with all of you for nearly three years now, I thought it fitting to share where I am currently on my journey!

I’m sure things will change again at some point, and I will get knocked on my butt once more, but hey, that’s life! And I am better prepared than I ever have been for when that happens!

Before I left the United Pentecostal Church organization in 2016, I would describe myself as unsure, insecure, unhappy, inauthentic, and self aware. I loathed my hair and my clothes and that feeling seeped over into other aspects of my life. I wasn’t strong in my religious beliefs, and I had zero idea of how to explain them when asked. I had no clue about the amazing gift of God’s grace and I felt like life was just passing me by as I was struggling to get out of my own skin and show the world who I truly was behind my religious facade. I had no identity outside of my religious organization and no hope of projecting my uniqueness to the world.

But God.

Ephesians 2:4-5 says:

But God being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us……made us ALIVE together with Christ, by grace you are saved!

God made us ALIVE! And I can honestly say, I have never felt so alive!

Five years and eight months to the day tomorrow God made me alive with Christ. Since that time labeled “Emancipation Day” in my calendar, I have learned to live freely, love freely, and not just survive, but thrive!

I know not everyone will agree with my stance on all things, and when that bothered me before, I’m okay with it now! Why? Because now, I am confident in not only my beliefs about God, but I am confident in myself and how God feels about me. This makes me more confident at my job, at my marriage, and everything else in between!

I am sure of myself, and know that when I walk into a room and people stare, it isn’t because I’ve walked in with my head down projecting insecurity. It is because I am confident as a daughter of Christ. I am secure enough in Him to be secure in myself.

I realize the cards were stacked against me in many ways. I realize I could have furthered my education and made something more of myself. I realize I will never be the most beautiful person in the room, the most intelligent, or the most put together, but I am bringing me into the room, and that is enough.

Despite everything, I have made it. I can say I am happy, strong, beautiful, and confident. There is restoration and life after a cult. I am living proof of it!

Thank you all for your support on my journey! I couldn’t have made it this far without this outlet to heal. ❤