Theme Park Faux Pas (Don’t be That Guy)

I am writing about something completely different than usual today. I always like to write about what inspires me in the moment, and today, I was inspired. Not in an uplifting, spiritual way, more of in a carnal, annoyed kind of way. Stick with me for a minute here, and I think you will understand.

As anyone who knows our family at all, or has followed my blog or read my book is aware, our family likes to take yearly vacations. More specifically, yearly vacations to theme parks. We mainly travel to Disney Resorts and Parks, but we have visited several others as well, and there are somethings that a portion of the general public just don’t seem to understand.

So, as we were walking around such a theme park today, getting the backs of our feet chewed up by a crazy guy pushing a giant double stroller, my daughter and I thought someone needed to gather a list of common theme park etiquette rules. Clearly, some people have missed the common courtesy crash course somewhere along their life path.

This blog is meant to be comical, but at the same time, seriously please tell your friends! You never know who may be doing these atrocious theme park monstrosities it may be someone you love! Help save the magic of theme parks and people’s sanity everywhere!

Let’s start with something simple; turnstiles. If you do not understand how a turnstile works, please for the love of Mickey Mouse just stay home. This adventure is not for you. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people struggle with walking through a turnstile. It really isn’t that difficult people, I promise!

Number two. If you are being directed by a cast member to walk into a room, please fill in all the gaps all by yourself. Don’t be the idiot that stops right on the other side of the door and makes the cast member say, “Keep moving forward people!” Not cool.

Number three. For goodness sake, never, ever, for any reason stop dead in your tracks in the middle of a crowded walkway! There are usually sidewalks for a reason, you can and should stand on them. Causing a 20 person pileup on your way to your favorite attraction because your kid wanted something in the diaper bag in the bottom of the stroller, ruins everyone’s magic. Just don’t, your spawn can wait until you safely exit the traffic lane.

Number four. Stay off your phone while walking. This should not need to be said, at least you would think.

Number five. Let’s get personal with this one. Personal hygiene. Deodorant is your friend. Don’t be the smelly person in the line. Nobody wants to smell your stinky pits, on a hot day, not even your mama.

Number six. Watch your filthy mouth. There are children present and some of us don’t want to have to explain gross or inappropriate things to our kids at Mickey’s or Harry Potter’s house. If my kids learn anything inappropriate, it should be from me.

Number seven. Personal space, it’s a thing. If you are using my child’s shoulder to rest your arm while you are filming a parade, I will purposely ruin your video. Don’t invade our space because you’re too stupid to get to the parade route on time.

Number eight. If your nasty hoodlums spill a milkshake or anything equally gross in a public space, clean it up. Don’t be the reason a cast member has to stop what they are doing just to clean up the mess your kids left. Be a decent human and do your best to wipe it up, and pick up your trash. It’s easy, just don’t be a pig.

And lastly, if the show calls for no flash photography, there’s a reason. Don’t be the selfish person who causes a child to ask their parent why someone wearing all black is standing behind the Flounder puppet. I mean really, that picture from the back row of the dark theater on your iPhone 4, is not going to be frame worthy, so just don’t do it. Just enjoy the moment and live in the present.

I witnessed every single one of these faux pas just today! I realize I am slightly bougie when it comes to theme parks, especially my Disney favs, but come on guys, don’t be that person! I wanted to share the etiquette rules just to be sure no one I know ruins someone’s magic!

Anyone have anything else to add to the list? I’m all ears! (total pun intended)

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